Am I the Only One?

Am I the only one who has done this?  When I was in college, it seemed like all my friends were getting married.  I had lots of people either teasing me or bugging me about the fact that I was still single.  I wanted so badly to be married.

I remember I used to pray that I could get married.  I would beg the Lord for some confirmation that it would happen eventually.  I knew it wasn't right then, but would just beg for some kind of reassurance that while I was alone right then, it would happen for me eventually.  It was a righteous desire, so why not just let me know it would happen eventually?

When I think back on this now, I'm almost embarrassed about it.  But I was so lonely at the time, and I just needed so badly to know that I wouldn't be alone forever.  My sister had gotten married after her first year of college, and I had gone into college assuming that I'd also be married by the time I graduated.  I wasn't.

Every time I would pray for some kind of reassurance that marriage was in my future, I got absolutely no answer at all.  At the time, I thought I was getting a no.  When I look back on it, I realize I was just getting nothing.  But I thought the Lord was telling me no, I would never get married.  I finally gave up asking for it.  I made peace with staying single forever.  I still hoped for it, but only an outside hope.  I didn't actually expect it.

Then I met Scott.  We had a whirlwind dating, engagement, and wedding time.  I remember knowing I loved him but being afraid to say it to him.  After all, the Lord had told me I'd never get married, right?  That meant I wasn't for him, as much as I wanted to be.  I was afraid I'd lead him on.  Then we started praying about marriage.  I had to ask the Lord about five times if it was right, even though I kept getting definite yeses.  After all, He'd told me marriage was never happening, right?  :)

I guess the thing I had to learn was this:  We can't always get an answer for future events.  If it isn't time for an answer, we won't get one.  It doesn't mean the answer isn't what we want.  Doesn't mean it IS what we want, either.  Some things we will never get answers for in this life.  Some things we will get answers for but it will be much later.  Some times we have to learn what we needed to learn before we get the answer.

I have always found it interesting- not surprising, but interesting- that I met Scott within a year of truly accepting the 'fact' that I'd always be single.  I became HAPPY as a single person.  THEN I met Scott.  Our happiness should be enhanced by our spouses, children, etc.  It should not DEPEND on them.  I learned this lesson: If you can't be happy alone, you won't be truly happy WITH someone, either. 

I also learned that we have to learn the lesson we are supposed to learn before we get the answers to our prayers for a trial to be ended.  And sometimes the lesson is a LONG one. :)